Category: Microfiction

  • O’Keefe and the Maltese

    O’Keefe and the Maltese

    He’d lay out a solution using his own code. I’d remind myself never to wrong-side him. Never.

    O’Keefe sat at the bar and told me that he was going to retire before the business killed him. As ever, he was wearing his old grey mac, sipping a stout and had just stubbed out a Carrolls cigarette before lighting another one. O’Keefe ran all the slot machines in West London.

    He was a Wexford man who had lived in the English capital for 50 years. He’d been a regular in Kevin Conroy’s pub, The Exchange but everybody just called it Conroy’s, since it had opened. Before that it had been known as Farrell’s, and O’Keefe had been a regular there too. Conroy’s was in a small lane off Praed Street in Paddington. It was small, maybe cosy, and well maintained by Kevin and his crew, which had included me for the previous six months as a barman and cook.

    “The Maltese have made me an offer”, said O’Keefe. “But they’ve done that before. Only this time it involves bad feelings and guns.”

    This was on the same afternoon that Kevin Conroy returned from Newbury with his prize-winning chestnut mare, “Dancing Flyer”. He’d walked the Flyer up from Paddington station, past the Alexander Fleming so the doctors and nurses drinking there could coo over it and pet it. Then he’d walked the massive beast through Conroy’s double doors, its only entry and exit.

    The Flyer stood in the bar, twitched his ears, nodded his enormous head and flicked his tail. The regulars, all of whom had put money on the mighty horse to win – nothing each way in Conroy’s – cheered. The horse appeared to enjoy the accolades, and nodded again. Someone bought him a pint of Murphy’s stout, someone else gave him an apple. Then the victorious horse was backed out onto the street where its transport out to the stables, to peace and quiet was waiting for it.

    “Good horse”, said O’Keefe.

    “Great horse”, I replied from behind the bar, with £150 in my pocket, my winnings. “So, what are you going to do about the Maltese?” I asked him while pouring him another pint of Murphy’s.

    “Did I ever tell you that you remind me of my cousin?”

    He had told me this once or twice before. His cousin lived in Sydney, Australia having moved there a decade or so before from a small town called Fethard on the coast of Ireland where his family ran a pub.

    “You have. How is he?” I said.

    He went quiet, became thoughtful and a little misty eyed as he considered my question. He rarely if ever answered questions. I’d learned this over the months. That didn’t stop me asking them though, it was conversational, I was a barman and part-time cook. I considered showing an interest in my customers an essential part of my job. I was 18 years old, it also seemed to be the respectful thing to do. He ran his finger around the rim of his glass until it sang at which point he stopped and looked at me.

    “I think the Maltese are serious. I do. I don’t fancy a war in West London. I like the place”. He took a sip and smiled. He was a small man, less than five feet nine in his scruffy brown brogues. He always wore a brown suit with a waistcoat, a thick black belt with studs, and a white shirt and red tie. Always. He was a pale man, with wispy, cobweb fine grey hair that he combed over from left to right with using his long, thin fingers to manipulate a mother of pearl effect comb, which he replaced in his jacket pocket in a delicate movement.

    Conroy had told me when I started that O’Keefe was worth millions. He was part-owner of The Flyer, and he wholly owned the stables out in Hampshire. He didn’t look as if he was worth more than a regular weekly wage to me.

    “There’s a reason for that”, said Conroy as he polished the bar. “It’s camouflage. Watch his temper, mind.”

    Months on and I’d never seen a hint of temper from O’Keefe even when one of his towering, marble muscled members of staff came and told him about a breakage in Southall or a fiddle in Ealing Common he retained a quiet, direct, thoughtful demeanour. He’d lay out a solution using his own code. I’d remind myself never to wrong-side him. Never.

    Outside, barrel chested, balding and sweating Conroy had finished manoeuvring The Flyer into its trailer and was giving the driver, a lad my age called James Plunkett, final instructions for the journey. The rain was coming on from the north and was pushing a strong gale up Praed Street past St Mary’s hospital. It was a Sunday I seem to remember.

    “I think it might be time to retire. Marie is keen to go home and see more of the grandkiddies. We have a house by the sea, beautiful views, quiet, lovely and safe. Fine pub only a short drive down towards Fethard where they serve a grand beef and horseradish sandwich – not as good as yours, mind. I’m growing fond of the idea myself. I’m getting no younger after all”.

    The double doors were pushed open so O’Keefe looked briefly to his left to see who was coming in. Nobody had been playing his slot machine, maybe this was a punter.

    It was one of the Maltese. Black leather jacket, dark jeans, cowboy boots, slicked back black hair he removed his sunglasses and walked to the barstool next to O’Keefe. In the warm gloom of the bar two of O’Keefe’s boys shifted their weight, emptied their glasses so they became better weapons and began to stand. O’Keefe lifted a finger and they sat back down, disappointed.

    “Whisky”, said the Maltese. I poured him a Paddy.

    “Ice”, he said. I put ice in his glass.

    “Thank you”, he said. His accent was a mixture of Valetta and Cable Street over in the Eastend.

    O’Keefe and the Maltese looked at the mirror behind me, their faces sliced in the reflection by the bottles and optics. Conroy joined me behind the bar and began to clean glasses. The wind stopped and the rain began, hard, with no rhythm.

    It was unheard of for any of the Maltese to venture into Conroy’s. A month or so before, they co-opted The Wilkie Collins near the station by walking in one night with sawn-offs under their coats, just visible, and knuckle dusters like a mad giant’s wedding rings on their fists, very visible indeed. That was their enclave, their beachhead out of their East London home. In Conroy’s that night, the presence of the Maltese added to the cosmopolitan mix of the pair of Lebanese, Irish, English, Sikh Indian, Jamaican and Barbadian who called our pub their home from home.

    The Maltese drank his whisky. He patted O’Keefe’s hand. I heard O’Keefe’s sharp intake of breath and then his gentle exhalation. Conroy took the glass from the Maltese, finished the final pour of O’Keefe’s stout, and rang the bell for last orders and then immediately after ran it again for closing time.

    “Time gentlemen please, can we have your glasses now”, he said quietly with no room for the usual, good humoured replies of “No! Conroy you cannot!”. It was seven thirty in the evening in Paddington, with the rain pelting down sending all the stray cats back to their home under a vacant office block on St Michael’s Street down the road. The customers stood up and filed out quietly, leaving me, Kevin Conroy, the Maltese, Oisín O’Keefe and two of O’Keefe’s boys to see out the next few minutes.

    “You need to go now”, O’Keefe said to me.

    Conroy nodded, “Come back in tomorrow, usual time”, he said.

    I picked up my coat and lifted the bar flap, and O’Keefe handed me a fat envelope.

    “Now then”, he said, “you remind me of my cousin, my cousin Padraig, the one in Australia. I’ve told you that. Take this and maybe look him up in Sydney for me, there’s a fine lad”.

    I took it and I shook his hand and I left The Exchange, Conroy’s bar. I walked to the station feeling the weight of the envelope in the inside pocket of my raincoat. I was at work the next day behind the bar. I never did see O’Keefe again but I did catch up with his Cousin in Sydney. And I did look like him.


  • Short Fiction

    Short Fiction

    Please enjoy reading these very curious tales for very curious people.


    • Christmas in Sam’s Restaurant

      “We’ve cleaned, Chef”, she snapped back. She knew what he was feeling because she was feeling it too. Christmas week and she was already planning where to work next. My dear reader, it was Christmas week and as usual Carl, the Chef-Patron was in a tumultuously bad mood. The restaurant had been decked with all

      Read on


    • A Christmas Hope

      Zuzu Frances Marie Smith - a black and white shot of my baby daughter looking beautiful.

      Christmas Eve had come at last, and the house was festooned with decorations. Granny Bacon had called it ‘gaudy’ when she came to visit. Sean was fairly sure that this meant it was completely bloody brilliant. Part 1 It was two weeks before Christmas Eve, and there was no Mum to be seen or felt

      Read on


    • McDonald-Sayer turns away from his dream

      “If I’d wanted revolutions, I would have hired a Cuban,” he had joked, weakly.

      Read on


    • O’Keefe and the Maltese

      He’d lay out a solution using his own code. I’d remind myself never to wrong-side him. Never.

      Read on


    • Revenger’s Tales – John & Gordon

      The author looking tired.

      Revenge makes you right and wrong simultaneously. Something tells you that what you want to do is wrong but by doing it, by completing their Revengers’ Tale, the world will be set right.

      Read on


    • The Rimmingtons

      No one close by heard the single gunshot crashing from the wardroom. No one was there to soften the blow as Glyde’s badly damaged head slammed into the table.

      Read on


    • The Wallington Shocker

      A river at sunset. A tree overhangs the water. A noose hangs from the tree.

      “You would like to know as much about the creature who pulled the triggers, tied the knots, hammered the nails and wielded the knife. I imagine that you have your own theories on the pairings of the civilians, the note, the relationship between the eight and the reason for choosing Wallington above all other villages.

      Read on


    • The poet’s wife writes

      The author, when he smoked, sitting in a bar with two glasses of cloudy cider in front of him.

      I became intensely jealous about exactly what was happening during those lunches.

      Read on


    • ‘Dapper’ Dale’s death

      Dale had done this to him. Threat after threat sandwiched by false friendship, even sympathy. Dale played with him until Ted finally broke.

      Read on


    • Mountain pressure

      A view looking down on clouds seen from between two peaks. I took this while ascending Mount Olympos.

      Ups and downs and winter birds singing around them. The pine trees’ scent, the wind in the needles above and around them.

      Read on


    • Lucy’s days

      Abstract image of fireworks going off in slow motion.

      The noodles would slip down and fill his stomach, taking away the humiliation he felt at being in debt to his own daughter.

      Read on


    • It comes to some of us in the End

      A medieval angel figure floats over a gravestone in a sunny graveyard.

      Tom ‘Bopper’ Keys was returned unto the earthly Earth. That much was certain.

      Read on


    • Sydney by cab

      I’ve heard of thousand dollar bottles, dug from Napoleonic cellars over which a shopping mall was soon to rise.

      Read on


    • To You All of Ye, You Know Who You Are!

      A drystone wall with a window looking in.

      What she said added to my later tears but there were so many of those and their reasons flowed into each other so easily that I can’t distinguish their flow today.

      Read on


    • A patient shark

      A confused smiley face on a background of orange.

      Maybe I am an escapologist and this is a show? Seems unlikely.

      Read on


    • Love

      Beneath Paris on the canal. A slow motion shot the speed blurs its contents.

      Their laughter isn’t loud. It is a lovely, moving event. They are gone quickly.

      Read on


    • Janssen Stand Down!

      A hooded figure, bearded, hooded, stares at you.

      Imagine a place full of people making laws who have no idea what it’s like to be hungry or cold? That would be stupid.

      Read on


    • It is what it is

      A denuded tree stands on its own in a field of rocks.

       It is not a stroke of luck to be born where you were born. Everybody knows that. Think about it.

      Read on


    • Fat Man

      A portrait of a hard man wearing sunglasses.

      Then he stripped to red-ochre painted nakedness and drank a bottle of gin to wash down a rattle of amphetamines.

      Read on


    • Kerrigan’s Streak

      A black and white image of slot machines in Las Vegas. I think it looks like a 1930s idea of a Space City.

      Imagine winning the lottery. Then imagine winning it more than once. Meet Nancy Kerrigan.

      Read on


  • It comes to some of us in the End

    It comes to some of us in the End


    Good old snake-hips, author of Confessio, and a much more nervous man than you’d expect.

    A medieval angel figure floats over a gravestone in a sunny graveyard.

    He stole the car. He stole the car and crashed it into the fence and died and went to heaven and came back because it wasn’t his time or because there wasn’t enough room there or in the other place. Whatever the reason Tom ‘Bopper’ Keys came back, yes.

    Tom ‘Bopper’ Keys was returned unto the earthly Earth. That much was certain.

    “You will find it all rather difficult I’m afraid. Going back will be confusing, but we’ve decided that, as most of this was our fault, we’re going to remove your sense of fear as a bonus”, explained his rather forlorn and embarrassed spirit guide. No names, no pack drill.

    It was St Patrick, of course. Good old snake-hips Pádraig, author of Confessio, and a much more nervous man than you’d expect.

    “Oh, righto, no worries then, cheers”, said Tom looking from purgatory into the world and not seeing much of it. 

    “Is it working yet?”

    “No, not yet, it won’t start working until you’re back on earth.”

    Then Boom! There he was, inside a box, under the ground, with only foetid air. He was returned again but not born again.

    “Bugger it,” he considered as he began scratching languorously as his new ceiling panel, “Bugger it, this is going to take some time,” he continued.

    “You’re not afraid though, are you?”, queried Saint Pat.

    “No, no I’m not.”

    “Right-ho. No worries then. I’ll look in on you after tea. Take care now.”

    Tom nodded and to dig his way out patiently.

    The End

  • Sydney by cab

    Sydney by cab

    I’ve heard of thousand dollar bottles, dug from a Napoleonic cellars over which a shopping mall was soon to rise.

    The thing about expensive wine, by which I mean wine that costs more than $200 a bottle, is that I can’t imagine anybody slooshing its dregs down the sink at the end of an evening.

    To my mind, $10 worth of Château De Plume du Plom at the bottom of a glass heading for the waste disposal of a stainless steel kitchen sink is an image of pure sadness.

    Of course, wealth, real wealth is all about surplus. It’s not about what you keep; it’s about what you can afford to throw away without a second glance. The after-thought boys might chipping the crystal the enforced guests might be gurning over the latest piece of art, their fingers stained with labour about the stain the frame, but the wine doesn’t get a thought.

    I’ve heard of thousand dollar bottles, dug from Napoleonic cellars over which a shopping mall was soon to rise. A thousand dollar bottle of plonk? How? Do you drink it? Do you share it with friends or save it for yourself? Is anybody rich enough to slob out on the couch, dressed in silk boxer shorts, crackling sea-salt and basil-flavoured fried oyster snacks down their fronts watching bad television and drinking the thousand dollar bottle in $50 swigs straight from the bottleneck?

    This is what I was thinking as I looked out into the bright rain from the sweated front seat of a cab that I could barely afford, heading down the Paramatta Road in Sydney, Australia. My driver was a German who looked frighteningly like my maternal grandfather. So I immediately assumed that he was a gutter-bastard with no concerns for humanity other than how they were getting at him.

    “You are Australian?”, he asked without moving his gaze from the bus in front?

    “No, I’m English.”

    “Did you find it easy to get into Australia?” His head was gently spiked with a fine blond crew cut, his eyebrows were translucent and I could see no other evidence of hair aside from the tufts that came like tendrils out of his ears – showing him to be at least sixty years old.

    “Not really, not a problem, no.” I wanted to continue my train of thought, to work out why my visions of wealth had ended up sprawled alone in a room watching television.

    “It was hell for me, forty years ago, so much paper, so many problems. Not like these Asians today coming in like drones. The drugs and the gangs now. Sydney is not like when I was first here.” He smiled and finally looked at me as we waited at the lights that turned the Paramatta Road into Broadway. It was a genuine smile, one that begged me to agree with him. Had I been in another mood, I might have forgiven him the tattered rhetoric and predictable spew that had already turned my day into a cliché. I would have looked into his speech and discovered a man with a past, and a few bricks to build a safe house in a confusing world. That day, however, I was in no mood for it. I needed a fresh day – a fresh afternoon at least, it was already two o’clock in the afternoon – and here I was mired in rain and a cabbie who could have come straight out of a left-wing agit-prop production.

    “The reason I found it so easy to get in was that I flew in from Timor under cover of darkness last Tuesday. It’s simple if you know the right people. I paid about $10,000 US and had some papers forged by a man I know in Bali. The problem with these other queue jumpers is that they don’t have any style. No flair.”

    “And too many children! The fucking Asians!” His smile had broadened and I thought for a moment that he was going to try and shake my hand. Maybe he’d got the gist that I was joshing him, or maybe he was simply so bitter that it didn’t matter. Either way, we were edging towards the lights that turned Broadway into George Street, just in front of the Central Station Bus depot and, looking at the meter, it was my time to get out.

    As I left him, his smile reframed itself to a blank stare – no tip – and he headed off into the CBD. I was standing at the small crossroads that lead down into Quay Street, on into the Exhibition Centre and down to Darling Harbour or straight on to George Street. Quay Street – Sydney’s plaguey, rum-roasted past sliced back into sanitary futurism.

    I decided instead to head into the crumbly, up and coming, old fashioned main street. George Street is bullied by an architectural gangbang where the old Empire arrogances of thick rock “establishments” more fitting of Manchester or Liverpool or Leeds battle it out with rorted high rises to shame the venerable old thoroughfare into their way of life.

    I had arrived into the morning.

  • To You All of Ye, You Know Who You Are!

    To You All of Ye, You Know Who You Are!

    What she said added to my later tears but there were so many of those and their reasons flowed into each other so easily that I can’t distinguish their flow today.

    “Carry me quickly to the last place you remember us being happy together”, was the last thing Séan Curran had written. There it was on a leaf of grimy note paper that I took from the undertaker the day we all buried Curran. Too late. As ever.

    On the other side of the note he’d written, ‘To You All of Ye, You Know Who You Are!’.

    He was buried in the one suit he owned. A grey, woollen single-breasted job at least twenty years old. He’d popped the note into its inside pocket before going out into town for his last night. The undertakers found it on the Tuesday before the Wednesday burial. As ever, too late for Curran.

    The thing with Curran was that he was forever leaving notes about the place. The beginnings of poems and stories, rehearsals for suicide notes. Oftentimes you simply couldn’t tell exactly what he meant.

    He had worked for years on the railways doing a variety of jobs. He was tall and slim, dark, he wore spectacles and what used to be known as stout boots. He was an atheist and a small drinker but only on Fridays. I met him on the railways. I met him in the pub. I wouldn’t say we became friends but we certainly became brothers-in-books.

    I’ll miss him when it’s all sunk in. When it’s all been soaked up. See, I’ve distanced myself from the process. That’ll happen all by itself. At least I hope so.

    Curran emerged from prison a ruined old man. He told me that after several chats with the chaplain a Swiftian descent into religion had caused his loss of faith in God. That said, it also gave him a firm sense of belonging. 

    “Now”, he wrote, “I have the Pope and all the cardinals on earth!”

    He came directly to my home to remind me of our times together. He impressed on me that, before he went into prison, my wife Mary should have been his wife.

    Mary, Curran and I had revolved around each other before he had taken up what some called crime and others called patriotism. I’m now convinced that Mary had taken up with me purely out of heartbreak. I adored her with all the adoration I had. I loved her with all my stinking heart. But today, before his funeral, it rankles me that Mary and Curran loved each other.

    I always thought the reason that my late wife, Mary, was my wife and not his was because I’d listened to her talk all about Flann O’Brien one pub night. He’d disagreed vehemently with what she said because she’d folded Myles na gCopaleen into her dialogue.

    “Different names. Different people!” I remember him yelling, and her laughing. 

    “Different names. Same man. Different tones”, she replied quietly enough.

    Boy, how he’d sulked. How he’d fallen for her.

    It turns out that she married me because she thought; she hoped she would love me and there’d be less conflict in the marriage. She told me this in the cancer ward. She felt she had to. I agreed. 

    What she said added to my later tears but there were so many of those and their reasons flowed into each other so easily that I can’t distinguish their flow today.

    She was my friend and we had this glorious house. We had two children, both abroad and doing very well. I talk to her ghost about Curran. I’d like to imagine they’re now chatting to each other, and now she knows the truth.

    It’s a relief that I no longer need to hide the fact that Curran murdered her father on his doorstep. He’d told me that when he came to see me after he got out of prison.